painting has turned my world upside up

on self-discovery, awakening dormant selves

I regularly take digital breaks from Instagram and other platforms. During my last winter’s hiatus, I decided to engage in tactile activities to unfurl my scrolling fingers and mind. I experimented with hand knitting, which was nice but didn’t quite captivate me. At the suggestion of a friend, I tried paint by numbers from Etsy. I submitted a picture of my grandmother and received a lovely canvas with numbered dots depicting her image. For several days, I was immersed in meticulously following each numbered cue, with Nina Simone on my record player and tea nearby. The experience left me feeling calm, centered, and a lingering sense of homecoming. I felt immensely proud of the finished paint by numbers, spending hours admiring how it perfectly captured my grandmother’s smile and essence.

Shortly thereafter, I found myself wandering through my local art space. One artist’s sign caught my eye—a weekly Sunday oil painting class for beginners. In January 2024, I took a leap and signed up, and since then, my world has turned upside up. Every Sunday, I eagerly attend class and create paintings I never imagined I could produce. Prior to this, my artistic endeavors were limited to sporadic abstract pieces; I was the nerdy girl in science clubs who later became a straight-laced corporate executive and never identified as a creative. Discovering my latent talent for painting has completely shifted my perspective. It made me question where else I’ve confined myself and overlooked opportunities for self-discovery.

It's so difficult to convey how staring at an image I painted, brought to life with my hands has blown up my concept of self. It feels like I’m meeting a new version of myself that has been quietly beside me for 47 years. Since January, I view the world through a different lens. I observe my surroundings with heightened awareness, noting the intricacies of trees, flowers, buildings, and faces—observing shadows and colors as if preparing to paint them. I am more present in both my body and mind. Each painting or sketching session feels like meditation, bringing inner calm, self-awareness, and a sense of achievement. I find myself painting between executive coaching sessions with my clients, after a long work day I sneak in some strokes on a painting before transitioning into family time/dinner making. Turns out painting is a remedy for Zoom-induced brain fog. My screen time has decreased significantly because I find myself impatient with scrolling on social media when an idea comes to mind to paint. I feel compelled to put the phone down and go into the studio.

Through painting, I’ve uncovered a part of myself that had been quietly waiting to be embraced. I am now so curious about what else there is to discover. What else will turn my world upside up?